30 Days of Magic – Day 20: The Perfect Man

Unlike my other gay male friends, the majority of my close friends are straight guys. I have found that these guys are the kindest and most accepting people I have ever met. I got to spend some time with these friends recently, and one of them asked why I wasn’t dating. I gave my standard reply of not having enough time for dating. Another, helpful friend at the table asked: “If you have time to make take a last minute trip with us, you certainly have time to go on a date or two.” I looked around the table for some help and noticed that the other guys were all nodding in agreement.

The topic quickly changed, but I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Time wasn’t my constraint. I usually work Monday through Friday and during the week I’m off by four. If I have to work on a Saturday, I’m out by two. I’m done with school, so I don’t have to deal with that anymore, and every other responsibility takes less than three hours a day to complete. Time is not the issue.

After thinking about it, I realized the issue is that all of the needs that a partner would meet are already met by the people in my life, except for sex, but that’s for another post. I thought about the friends I hang out with and saw that each of them fulfilled a need that the typical boyfriend would fulfill.
For today’s magic, I turned my attention to calling the perfect partner to me at the perfect time. I used the best parts of my friends as the model for my perfect man, kind of like Dr. Frankenstein without the creepy surgery.

I laid out a small bad made of red velvet; the kind you can get at any metaphysical shop. I lit a pink candle and cast a quick circle. As I said the following, I visualized one of my friends, moved a token through the flame of the red candle and dropped it in the bag:

“A poker chip, so that he may have his attitude towards money; that it’s a priority, but never THE priority.
A page from the encyclopedia, so he may have his wealth of knowledge.
A match, so he may have your passion.
A beard comb, so that he may have your good looks.
A feather, so that he may have your gentle nature.
A set of dice, so that he may have your playfulness.
A ring, so that he may have your fidelity and commitment to your family.”

I pulled the drawstring on the bag tight.
“As I speak this final rhyme,

May the perfect man come to me at the perfect time.
For the best of all, but most for me,
As I will, so shall it be.”

I bound the magic to the bag with a kiss and opened my circle. I placed the bag in my underwear drawer to keep it out of sight to let the magic manifest.


Bless and Release

I’m sitting at the table sipping my cocktail as a quiet observer. The other six men at the table are absorbed in their cell phones, as they pick their favorite athletes. My friend is hosting the annual draft for his fantasy football league and asked me to come hang out. Despite the lack of conversation, I’m enjoying myself. It surprises me to see how eerily similar fantasy football is to Dungeons and Dragons. This realization makes me giggle to myself.

During a break from the draft, I joined my friend outside for a quick smoke.

“Oh, I’ll be late for board game night on Wednesday,” he said.

“I work until six, so that works out perfectly” I agreed.

“Yeah, I ran into Jon at work today, and he said he wanted to catch up. I’m going to have a few drinks with him before I come out” my friend continued.

This revelation caused time to stop for a minute. Allow me to interrupt this story to share some of the back story.

For almost a decade, I’ve had two constant friends in my life; Jon and Kelly.  I met each of them at work, but met them at different times. I met Jon through a mutual friend. He and I were both well read, had a penchant for craft beer, and were insanely sarcastic. We were instant friends.

I met Kelly a few years later. She and I shared the same tastes in music and literature and had a knack for closing down a bar. She and I were inseparable.

A few years ago, I had a stream of bad luck. The team I was on at work was dismantled, and I found myself without a job. I found a new one almost immediately. Then, a year later, that position was eliminated due to a merger. To compound this stress, I was dealing with the pressures of pursuing my Master’s degree, dealing with several severe illnesses in my family, and ended up just feeling lost.

While in a terrible bout of depression, I turned to my friends. Most of my friends were supportive. Jon and Kelly were not. Jon, who has trouble making friends on his own, tried relentlessly to push me out of my friend group. Kelly began to create needless drama and tried to pull me into the eye of her storm. While trying to deal with their issues while trying to keep balance in my own life, I began to see that their presence was unhealthy for me.

Things came to a head one night when Jon and Kelly accompanied me to the bar for a few cocktails. I left early, while they planned to close down the bar.

When I next talked to Kelly, several days later, she explained that she spent the night with Jon. Although she didn’t accuse Jon outright, she made it clear that she felt she was too drunk to have offered consent. I confronted Jon immediately, and in his version of the story, Kelly initiated everything.

I found myself in the middle of their turmoil and couldn’t fully align myself with either of them. In my experience with Jon, I had witnessed him being aggressive with women he was attracted to, but I never saw him cross the line with any of them. At the same time, I had witnessed Kelly use the excuse “I was too drunk” to distance herself from poor decisions, but have never experienced her fabricating something as heinous as her current accusations.

After several weeks of trying to navigate the tension between these two, I realized the beauty of this situation. This wasn’t my problem. This was a blatant sign from the Universe that I needed to release these two people from my life.

I sat down in front my altar and lit a single black candle. I asked the Goddess to bless my work. Sitting in meditation, I visualized my heart chakra spinning big and green. Attached to this chakra were two silver threads connecting me to Jon and Kelly. I sent good wishes to each of them. I prayed that they would be protected, find balance, and have the best life they could ask for. Then, carefully, I cut the cords and released them from my life. As I extinguished the candle, I felt a calm come over me. I never heard from Jon again. As for Kelly, she has sent me a few texts but then fizzled out. My magick had worked on the situation, but as I would find out at the bar during the fantasy draft, had changed me.

“Do you think it’s weird for me to hang out with Jon?” my friend asked. I paused before responding. Then I gave the most honest answer I could have offered.

“I don’t think about Jon at all” I started. “Jon isn’t a bad person; he’s just not a person I want in my life. If he’s reaching out to you, he probably needs a friend. So, I hope you two have a good time, and I will see you afterward.

My friend tilted his head in confusion and headed back inside. I was confused too. A year ago, I would have been pissed if any of my friends would have associated with Kelly or Jon. Now, it didn’t bother me at all. Once I released the negativity and chose not allow it impact my life, I released its hold over me, and that’s real magick.


Tarot Meditation – The Three of Swords: Communication & Relationships

Cards depicted are from: Gypsy Witch, Robin Wood, and Tarot of the Orishas decks

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted. I needed to take a quick break from writing to focus on work, school, and all things available to me during Pride here in Columbus. I recently got a reading from Kelly Ann Maddox, and wanted to work through the insights I received in that reading, rather than read for myself. With this in mind, I’ve been working with the card she drew to dive deeper into their meaning and how I can apply their messages in my life.

The first card that came up in my reading was the Three of Swords. For me, the suit of swords represents the air element, which rules over, among other things, communication. The Three of Swords is commonly depicted as three swords piercing a heart. I usually interpret this to signify a breakdown in relationships caused by a miscommunication of needs, wants, or expectations. As I have previously posted, I have recently experienced a breakdown in certain friendships. Kelly Ann picked up on this in her reading, and mentioned that I am good at helping those around me, but have a hard time asking for help. She stated, rather eloquently, that I needed my friends to keep space for me. This has stuck with me since the reading.

Over the weekend, I lit a few candles on my altar and plucked the Three of Swords from one of my Tarot decks. I meditated on the card and focused on what space I wanted my friends to keep for me. I had a hard time putting what I needed into words, but the element of air as a conduit of communication kept coming to mind. It was then that I realized that I had not effectively communicated my need to my friends. I snuffed the candles and simply sent a simple text to my friends that simply said “I need you guys to keep space for me and to understand that I may have a hard time asking for it.” They responded with more compassion than I expected and again (synchronicity, maybe) emphasized the importance of communication in our relationship.

Since I am a huge fan of the Tarot, I own several Tarot and Oracle decks. Today, I rifled through my decks until I found corresponding cards that didn’t reflect the same imagery. I decided upon the Three of Spades (the Pig) from my Gypsy Witch deck and the Three of Air from my Tarot of the Orishas deck. The Pig symbolizes luck and great abundance. The Three of Air depicts a bird of prey swooping down after its next meal.  This card symbolizes destruction, unseen enemies, and the concept of having power over someone. I noticed that these cards act as extremes when pair with the traditional Three of Swords.

I laid both of these cards on my altar with the Three of Swords. I used them as a focus for mediation on the concept of communication and relationships. I saw myself asking for help when I needed it and, more importantly, accepting help when it is offered. Then I saw myself in the absence of communication. This situation breeds anger, resentment, paranoia, and insecurity. I centered myself and focused on my heart and throat chakras, filling them with light. I grounded and felt more at peace with the situation.

I plan to continue working with these concepts over the next several days, before I move on to another card.