I took a break from writing so I could focus on some other things. I planned to write more in the coming weeks, but a few days ago I lost someone very special to me, and although I initially felt silly writing about it here, I decided that it was important to honor her as I’ve honored the rest of my beloved dead.
When I was 21, I got out of an extremely toxic relationship. Like most 21 year-olds, I thought I had excellent judgment, so I decided a new relationship was exactly what I needed. As someone who recently discovered that magic worked, I was confident in my ability to manifest a new relationship. So, I busted out a legal pad and wrote down everything I wanted in my new love. I wanted someone who was excited to see me, someone who wanted to spend every second they could with me, I wanted to be showered with affection, and I wanted it to be love at first sight.
A few days later, I went to help my Mom with something. I let myself in and was immediately greeted by a little blond pup. I knew my Mom got a new dog, but I wasn’t prepared for how adorable this dog was. I sat down on the floor, and the pup showered me with kisses. My Mom came into the room and formally introduced me to Sophie. Sophie and I spent the day playing. It was love at first sight. It took me longer than it should have to notice that this was the answer to my love spell and Sophie was exactly what I needed.
I would go to visit my Mom and Sophie whenever I had free time. When my Mom went on vacation over a long weekend, I offered to bring Sophie home with me. When my Mom returned, I asked if I could just keep Sophie. My Mom laughed and said that she knew I was never going to give her back.
Sophie was like no dog I have ever known. She had the biggest heart. When my cat Star had kittens, Sophie took a special interest in them. When Star got tired, she would bring the kittens to Sophie to babysit for a while. Sophie would play with them, bathe them, and once, tried to nurse them.
One time, I got super sick and pretty much lived on my couch for a week. Sophie stayed by my side and even brought me her favorite toy to make me feel better.
Sophie was also a bit of a trickster. Her favorite game was to pretend to have to go out in the middle of the night. After I’d get up to let her out, she’d crawl into the middle of the bed and refuse to move.
Every time I would come home, she’d meet me at the door and demand attention. Every time, I would spend about 30 minutes sitting on the steps with her after I got home from work.
When I got home from work on Monday, Sophie didn’t meet me at the door. I found her asleep in my bed. I could tell she wasn’t feeling well, but as an older dog, I assumed she would be fine in the morning. Her condition quickly worsened by Wednesday. She wouldn’t eat and would barely lift her head. I rushed her to the vet.
The vet told me surgery was an option, but added that with Sophie’s age, she might not make it through surgery. The vet went on to add that she didn’t think Sophie would have a good quality of life even if she managed to make it through surgery. The vet left the room, and I took a moment to ask Sophie what she wanted. When I asked if she was ready to go, she rubbed her head against my hand and looked me in the eye. I could tell she was tired and didn’t want to suffer anymore. It was the hardest decision I have ever made.
I sat with Sophie for an hour and thanked her for being in my life. I told her that I loved her and would miss her. She licked my face and nuzzled into me. I held her as the vet euthanized her. Sophie licked my hand, took a deep breath, and then was gone.
My house is super quiet without her. I’m going to miss her, but I know she’ll always be with me. Tonight, her ashes sit on my altar, along with her favorite toy and her favorite treats.
Sophie, my little girl, thank you for coming into my life when I needed you most. Though I’m sad to be without you, I’m happy that you are no longer in pain. I hope there was a warm bed and litter of clumsy kittens waiting for you at the other end of the bridge.
Blessed may you be in this world and all others.