Feed the Beast or Let it Starve

Early this morning, I awoke to a strange dream. I found myself on a boat dock looking over the water. I walked back and forth over the dock enjoying looking out over the water. I was proud that this dock was mine; proud that it was a result of my hard work.

I then walked over a small sand dune and into a stone building. The building is set up like a flea market with merchants selling different goods out of their stalls. After walking around the market for a while, I decided to head back out to beach and wade into the water.

When I exited the building and began walking through the dunes, there were three women blocking my path. They were at once afraid of me and aggressive towards me. “No, you can’t come here. Stay away. Get out!” they yelled in unison. Instinctually, I called out for Elegua and reentered the building.

I was approached by an older woman and an older man. I assumed them to be husband and wife. They told me I had to stand my ground and had to fight for what I worked to secure. They took my hands in their own and led me into a dark room in the back of the market.

The room was lit by several white pillar candles on a long wooden table. A light steady drum beat played from a dark corner of the room, but I couldn’t see the drummer. A tall African man danced to the beat, twirling a sword. I was led past him to a small table where an African woman sat.

When I sat before her, she instructed me to pick a coconut shell from a basket in front of her. I hesitated. “C’mon baby, don’t be afraid” she cooed at me. He voice was gentle, but I felt it reverberate through my chest. I carefully chose a coconut shell and placed it in her hand.

“Baby boy, why are you doing this to yourself?” she asked frowning at the shell in her hand. I learned forward to get a better look at the shell, hoping to see what she saw. “Baby, you have all this power, but you’ve got to use it” she continued.

Before I could ask questions, the man with the sword approached me. He pulled my chair back and began flipping the sword inches from my face. I flinched and tried to pull away, but he held me steady. “If you’re going to call on us, you better trust us” he said. I held my breath and closed my eyes. I felt the wind from the twirling sword on my face. Eyes clenched tight, I prayed for it to be over. The man slapped me on the back and laughed. “Good job white boy. Next time, maybe you’ll trust me enough to breathe.”

At once, I was standing on the beach. A well-worn path curved up the dunes towards the beach. As I made my way down the path, I noticed a tall woman standing walking with me. The moon reflected off her dark skin and she smelled like the ocean. She broke the silence first. She said “Sometimes things aren’t what they seem and sometimes they are. All that matters is what you do. If you feed the beast, the beast grows stronger. Let it starve.”

We stood at the shore in silence. The waves crashing at my feet grounded me. I turned to thank her, but she was gone. As I made my way down the shore, I noticed the market was gone. In its place was a local bar that I spent a lot of my time at with friends. I walked towards it, wondering what time it was. When I got closer, a movement caught my eye. A gigantic, black crocodile made its way towards me. I side-stepped to turn my body towards it. It snapped its jaws at me and moved closer and positioned himself between me and the bar. I made a run for the bar, but I felt its weight upon my back at once.

I awoke in my room and immediately grabbed my Book of Shadows. What beast am I feeding? What can I do to ensure its starvation?

Excerpt from my Book of Shadows

5/21/2016 | 3:30AM

 

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