Tonight, I started what I hope to become a weekly tradition. I pulled three Tarot cards to show me what I needed to work or, be aware of, or work towards this week. The cards I pulled were the Hermit, the 8 of Cups, and the 10 of Wands.
The Hermit speaks to withdrawing from the world to seek that which cannot be found with the help of others and seeking time away from others. The 8 of Cups says something similar. The 8 of Cups represents solitude and sadness. It shows someone who is turning their back on things they’ve worked hard to build. The 10 of Wands represents diligently working towards a goal. While the road is difficult, accomplishment is right around the corner.
One of the pitfalls of doing readings for yourself is that you have a first-hand account of what issues you are facing in life. However, the Tarot may unlock other perspectives that you may not have noticed. Tonight’s reading did that for me.
Now for the backstory. About a year ago, my friends and I created board game night. We were all super busy with everything else in our life, so we used board game night as a way to make sure we set aside time each week to spend time with each other. Around the same time, I reconnected with my friend Ben. While, Ben and I have been friends for almost a decade, we seemed to ebb and flow in and out of each lives. Regardless of how much time had passed, we always carried on like we just hung out yesterday.
My friends and I are also avid readers, so when my friend Garrett recommended a book called Shibumi, we all jumped on it. A common theme of the book is the Japanese strategy game Go. When Garrett said that he owned the game, we all asked that he bring it to board game night.
When we sat down to play Go, I was immediately lost. When I questioned the rules, my friends took the opportunity to make a joke about my intelligence. I shrugged it off, but ultimately decided to sit the game out. The following week, the group decided to play Go again. When someone asked why I wasn’t playing, my friend immediately shared that it was because I wasn’t intelligent enough to play the game. At this point, I was pissed. I left to join another friend for drinks, and told them to join me later in they wanted. When they arrived, the apologized and I asked them if we could alternate other board games with Go. They agreed. Over the next several weeks, board game night was replaced with Go night. Instead of playing at the bar, they moved Go night to Ben’s house and seldom did anything else after they were done. To make matters worse, a few altercations between these guys and my other friends strained my relationship with the latter, ultimately making it so I had no one else to really spend time with. Since I was invited to Go night and since they didn’t commit much time to anything else, I was left to spend most of my time alone. Recently I faced a pretty big issue where I needed my friends, but they were too busy with Go night and didn’t think to invite me. When I voiced concerns, it turned into a huge issue.
For the record, I’m not angry because they want to play a board game that I’m not interested in. I’m angry because something that was important to me was usurped from someone else without even a conversation. I was angry because my friends disrespected me. I was angry because the group I invested so much time into creating actively excluded me.
When I lashed out at my friends, I made a lot of demands that I didn’t mean. They made a lot of hurtful comments I don’t think they meant. Overall, my friends and I are okay now. However, I haven’t talked to Ben since everything blew up. To be fair, he recently got back into school, so his time is limited, but I feel like I am on the outs with him still. Rather than thinking rationally, I took it personally.
After looking at tonight’s cards, I noticed a different perspective. While maybe my friends excluded me in the beginning, I’m currently pushing them away. I’m ignoring all the good things about our friendship to focus only on the negative. I’m holding all this animosity that’s not productive. I immediately sent atext to Ben and apologized for being stupid and told him to let me know when he was free to hang out.
This week my goal is going to be to take things less personally, to cultivate relationships, and to embrace any opportunity to spend time with people I care about.